Dancer

by Matt James

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1.
07:01
2.
03:34
3.
04:01
4.
05:53
5.
07:31
6.
09:56
7.
03:25
8.
04:03
9.
08:04

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released June 25, 2011

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Matt James Boston, Massachusetts

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Track Name: To Preambule
Let me try something new,
Something you wouldn't want to do.
You can't tell me I have to be,
When you say it's all up to me.

I take my stride and I take my step.
I don't think I'll ever rest.
You can't let me be someone
Who isn't what I've already become.

It's OK for me to know
That's why I couldn't go go go.
But it's not OK to have you say
What I do is shit anyway.

I'm alright, myself, my dear.
It's so loud here. It's hard to hear.
I've tried my best, and I've tried my worst.
But I don't think that none of that works.

//

I think I've stepped way out of line,
But I don't think that I was too unkind.
I've tripped and fell and now I can't get up.
I've tripped and fell now I can't get up.

//

I think it takes sometime to know who you are and will be.
I think it takes sometime to feel you're alright and feel good.

(Gimme, gimme, gimme what I want
Or what I cannot have.
You tell me what I am.

Do what you will to me.
I do not care how I come out in the end.)
Track Name: Master
"...changing from green and gold to purple and grey and back to green and gold..."

"...from green and gold hats to purple and grey hats then back to green and gold hats..."

"And he told Dippy the Wisp this story..."

"I say: since we are telling each other who we are I am going to tell you who I am: I am the umbrella that holds up the sky; I am the umbrella the rain comes through; I am the umbrella that tells the sky when to begin raining and when to stop raining; I am the umbrella that goes to pieces when the wind blows and puts itself together again when the wind goes down; I am the first umbrella, the last umbrella, the one and only umbrella, the umbrella all other umbrellas are named after—first, last and always."
Track Name: Preludio
"Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear, so long sustained by now that we can’t even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit. There is only one question: when will I be blown up?"

It's said that you're swimming sin.
It's said that you're crawling in.
It's said that you're swimming sin.
It's said that you're crawling in.

It's coming on again.
It's coming on again.
It's coming on, and I can't be alone.

It's said that you're swimming sin.
It's said that you're crawling in.
It's said that you're swimming sin.
It's said that you're crawling in.

It's coming on again.
It's coming on again.
It's coming on, and I can't be alone.

"I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal simply because he must still endure— that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tiredless in the last red and dying evening that even then there will still be one last sound: that of his puny (inextinguishable) heart."

"...human heart..."
Track Name: Duple
Dear December, have you come to haunt me?
I don't know what to do when this time comes around.
It's been on three years and not a sound, not a sound.
My son, miss you, can't you see?

(I am so tired, I am so tired.)

//

That night when you went away,
I wasn't there
To let you know how I feel
And that you were mine.

I wish I was
A better mother
To you, so you would be
Still here with me.

I know it's not my fault, but
I have to think of
What I was to you
And I what I could've done,

And what I would've done,
And who you would've become.

//

(*Hums*)
Track Name: Red Current
Daddy, Daddy, why have you
Gone away, gone away
And gone from me,
Breaking everything you knew then?

Daddy, Daddy, don't lay your
Hand on me so I can know how you
Really feel, really feel
Inside yourself or what I was to you.

Red run through me. Hold me now. Fill me up.
Red run through me. Give me life. Let me go.

Brother, brother, what do you
Have to say 'bout what is happening
To ourselves
And what we want to do with our time?

Sister, sister, I don't want
Nothing bad to happen to you
That we could be
Nothing more than what I have become.
Oh no! Oh no! I've messed up.

Red run through me. Hold me now. Fill me up.
Red run through me. Give me life. Let me go.
Red run through me. Give me life. Let me go.
Red!

//

"i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky"

(It hurts now. Will it hurt later?)

"(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)"

(It hurts now. Will it hurt later?)

"how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any [...]
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)"
Track Name: Saraband
Let me be what I will be.

"I'm leaving you."
"Honey, please..."
"Ted, I'm leaving you."
"What's this some kind of joke? [...] Can we stop now?"
"So that's everything."
"What are you doing?"
"It's me. It's my fault. You just married the wrong person. I can't, I can't, I can't..."
"Let's just go inside."
"I can't. I've tried."
"...and I don't love you anymore."

Let me be what I will be.

"...and then he'd think he was waking up at home...
"Oh I love him very much. [...] I'm not taking him with me. I'm no good for him. I'm terrible with him. I have no patience. He's better off without me."

Let me be what I will be.

//

You knew it was
The way it was
When we were young,
And you had more

Friends than me. (Friends than me)
We're family. (Family)
Don't you see? (Don't you see?)
It had to be. (Had to be)

You astonish me
With your honesty.
Given that
It's hard for me.

Oh, Daddy, please. (Daddy please)
Take hold of these. (Hold of these)
She's your only one. (Only one)
Don't you see? (Don't you see?)

"I like to think some boy's been swinging them...
"When I see birches bend to left and right
"Across the lines of straighter darker trees...
"I like to think some boy's been swinging them...
"But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay."

//

"I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again."

You played in a band.
I was in the sand,
Marking all the trees
That I could see,
That were 'round me.

You just played for fun.
I played in the sun,
Catching dirty worms.
Oh, how you would squirm!
Break, my little fern!

And when the bees sting,
Know you've got someone

To hold.

And when the bees sting,
Know you've got someone

To hold.

I went my way.
You went your way.
We just let time
Slip away from us.
We just let time.

This time, this time, this time...

You played in a band.
I was in the sand,
Marking all the trees
That I could see,
That were 'round me.

You just played for fun.
I played in the sun,
Catching dirty worms.
Oh, how you would squirm!
Break, my little fern!

(Hum a tune for me.
Ride majestically.
Know how you should feel:
Feel freer than me.)

//

"That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."

(Sor-r-ry)
I'm sorry, (Sor-r-ry)
I'm sorry, (Sor-r-ry)
Track Name: Gabriel
Oh Gabriel, we'll live in San Francisco
And in Amsterdam. And you'll learn the
Things to know, just how to grow,
While we're there, son.

Will they laugh at, at you and I
because we seem so different?
No I don't think that they will 'cause
We're strong and know just who we are.

Are you scared, are you sad?
Don't be, come here, you will be mine.
I won't yell. I won't tell.
Son, son, my son. (Give you sun)

I, I won't, I, I, I won't mess.

Like my father? (Will I be)
Like my father? (Will I be)

Go tell the kids Daddy's OK.
Two of them is better than none.
You have a say. You have to say.
Gabe, you have to stay strong and good.

Get up and out, enjoy your life.
Oh my dear god, I won't no harm,
No strife, no heartache for you dear.
But I'll have to let you go soon.

Are you scared, are you sad?
Don't be, come here, you will be mine.
I won't yell. I won't tell.
Son, son, my son. (Give you sun)

I, I won't, I, I, I won't mess.

Like my father? (Will I be)
Like my father? (Will I be)
Track Name: Lully Loure
You might think that you're life is
Over for you now.
Let it go and let grow
Beyond all of this.
Just get out somehow.

I know where you have been.

Get outside and see the world for what it is
And where you are.
Life gets better.
Wait and see.
It's not that far from where you are.

I know where you have been.
I've been there.

It's OK to be this way.

Be yourself, be yourself.

It's OK to be this way.
(It's OK. It's OK.)
(Don't you worry,
Just be yourself)
Track Name: Jig
Mama told me that she knows me.
Papa told me, 'That's not what you are now.'
Don't go around making me what I'm not.
I'm still your goddamn son. Am I not?

Ticks and tocks and clicks of clocks
Won't ever tell me how I feel.
And I know that I wouldn't be
Whatever you thought I'd be,
Thought I'd be,
Thought I'd be.

It's safe to say: you have no clue who I am.
I'm just as I've always already have been.
But I guess you can't see beyond the little things.
I'm still the son you would die for once again.

Ooo-ooo-ooo...

Ticks and tocks and clicks of clocks
Won't ever tell me how I feel.
And castles rising far behind me
Won't take me back to what I was.
And caterpillars crawl inside me
Let me know I should feel.
And I know that I wouldn't be
Whatever you thought I'd be,
Thought I'd be,
Thought I'd be...

//

"And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare?' and, 'Do I dare?'"

You know I cannot be your only thing that you know.
And you cannot be what I wanted to be now.
I brought myself up now, and I bring myself down, down, down.
Or else I'd just be what you'd want me to be. You know I cannot be.

And I am just what I want to be.
And there's nothing wrong with me.
And I am just what I want to be.
There's nothing wrong with me.

I've made my case now you should just go, go, go.
I've stated clearly now I don't need you anymore.

I am just what I want to be
With everything that's 'round me,
That's 'round me,
That's 'round me.

Jig yourself out, do yourself out, out-do yourself out,
And do what you can do for you.
Break yourself, bring yourself, do yourself out,
And do what you can do for you.